Too Creepy to Handle: «I cut up my men after sex»
In the second instalment of Too Creepy to Handle, two new critters step into the spotlight. I’ll be revealing why the praying mantis eats her partners, and how many legs a millipede reckons he’s got.
In TV dating series Too Hot to Handle, a group of singles tries to put their best feet forward. On Galaxus, I give exotic creatures from Lorica, a reptile breeding station, the same opportunity. Things got off to a thrilling start last week, with a steely scorpion and an anxious isopod chatting all things muscles, women and turn-offs.
This week, it’s time to give the millipede and the Indian praying mantis a turn in the limelight. Convincing the latter to talk to me takes a while – she initially seems to have vanished into thin air in her terrarium. It’s only after looking really closely that I spot the long, thin Indian sitting cross-legged, her mind clearly elsewhere.
The Indian praying mantis
Source: Christian Walker
«Ommmmmm…»
«Hey, Praying Mantis. It’s me. Darina from Galaxus.»
«Omm… mmmake yourself comfortable, I’ll be right there.»
Minutes trickle by as I stare at what looks like a meditating Mikado stick.
It really is admirable that you can sit still for so long, Praying Mantis.»
«Oh, you know, if I have good food, I can stay like this for weeks.»
«Wow, not bad. So, what’s your all-time favourite food?»
«Crickets, beetles and locusts.»
«Locusts? But aren’t they mantises like you?»
«Yeah, what’s wrong with that?»
«I mean, you eat your…»
«My men, yeah. After sex, I cut them in half. I mean, I do need the proteins for my babies. And as they say, the way to a girl’s heart is through her stomach.»
«That’s one way of looking at it. But isn’t it hard being a single mum?»
«Nah, I just drop the little ones off at the ootheca. That’s a foam nest, by the way. My nymphs then eat their way out of it once they’re big enough.»
«So pigging out, uh… I mean, enjoying a meal as a family, is pretty important to you all?»
«Absolutely. Eat, pray, love – in that order.»
«Nice. So when’s your next date?»
«Don’t you see him?»
«Who?»
«That hot guy over there. You’ll have to excuse me…»
«Of course. Have fun! I guess.»
The praying mantis in brief
- Origin: Asia
- Lifespan: 7–15 months
- Size: 7–9 centimetres (the giant African mantis can grow to 10 centimetres long) (link in German)
- Weight: 4–14 grammes
- Favourite food: insects
- Home size: 30 × 30 × 50 centimetres
Sheesh, the things certain exotic creatures are into… Ever so slightly aghast, I take my leave, sure that the millipede won’t be able to shock me. In any case, I don’t need much time to find him. He’s up on stage, right in the spotlight and kicking out his countless legs in the style of a Mexican wave. What an attention seeker.
The millipede
Source: Christian Walker
«Wow. That was some performance. Thank you, Millipede.»
«Any time, honey. I’ve got life coursing through my veins – and have rhythm in my African blood. Wait, let me get a little closer to you.»
The centipede gets off the stage. We shake hands – or legs.
«Woah, how many legs do you actually have?»
«Somewhere between 300 and 700. But I’ve never counted them.»
«Jeez, that’s still a fair few. Don’t you ever get blisters?»
«Nah, it’s not like I wear shoes.»
«Haha. No. But seriously.»
«Okay, okay. Sorry about my dry sense of humour. Besides that, I like things wet. But back to blisters. I don’t have any issues there because I walk in a regular, wave-like motion. Elegance is my middle name.»
«Mhm.»
«I mean, look how streamlined my body is. I also have it thoroughly cleaned every day by my makeup artists – the mites. You know what they say: no pain, no gain.»
«That’s amazing, really. After all, I’ve read that you really go to town when it comes to food. Fruit, onion skins, vegetables…»
The centipede’s eyes flash angrily.
«Are you calling me a greedy guts?»
«No, I didn’t mean it like that!»
«You definitely did. How could you say that to me?!»
The millipede curls up in a huff.
«Millipede, listen. I really didn’t mean it like that. I’ve asked all of our Too Creepy to Handle singles about their favourite foods.»
Silence.
«Come on. Forgive me already. Don’t be so dramatic...»
«Dramatic?! Really?! I’ll show you dramatic!»
A yellow secretion splashes in my direction. I hold my hands out in front of my face, and am forced to spend the next few hours washing them. Even so, it’s really hard to get the secretion off me. No exotic creature has ever left such a lasting impression on me.
The millipede in brief
- Origin: Africa
- Lifespan: 10+ years
- Size: 5–30+ centimetres (Archispirostreptus gigas) (link in German)
- Weight: approximately 30 grammes
- Favourite food: Leaves, dead wood, fruits, vegetables (omnivore)
- Home size: 50 × 50 × 50 centimetres
Join us next week for the final instalment of Too Creepy to Handle. Follow my profile so you don’t miss it! And if waiting makes you too antsy, here are three creepy-crawly pursuits for you:
Header image: Christian Walker
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Darina Schweizer
Senior Editor
Darina.Schweizer@digitecgalaxus.chI like anything that has four legs or roots. The books I enjoy let me peer into the abyss of the human psyche. Unlike those wretched mountains that are forever blocking the view – especially of the sea. Lighthouses are a great place for getting some fresh air too, you know?
