These cuddly toys caused childhood PTSD

Those were the days! There was still no ultra-thin flat screen TV hanging on the wall at home, only a bulky tube TV taking up a considerable part of the living room. We children spent Saturday mornings in front of the TV watching the usual kids’ shows while our parents rang in the weekend with a good night’s sleep. Joining us on the sofa were our beloved favourite cuddly toys, some of which had even been used in TV or film productions.

Back then, we took them everywhere with us. They had to stand in as goalies or goalposts during a football match with other kids from the block of flats, were clamped in the luggage rack for bike rides to the next neighbourhood and guarded our bed while we slept. In short, the cuddly toys had to go through a lot with us. Looking back, they were our first true friends.

When I look back on stuffed animals of the time, I have to say that they were quite frightening creatures, regardless of how much they were mistreated. Don’t believe me? Well, clear the stage for my top 8 plus 1 of the most questionable cuddly toys of the last 40 years.

Fizzgig, the ugly one (1982)

Jim Henson gave us wonderful childhood memories with the Muppets. Thanks a bunch! Unfortunately, the good gentleman didn’t do himself – or rather me – any favours with fantasy adventure The Dark Crystal. Fizzgig, the little screamer from the story, was more of a furry nightmare than a friend to cuddle. Nevertheless, the thing made it onto toy store shelves. Thanks for nothing, Jim!

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

Steven Spielberg’s E.T. is and remains an absolute classic. But let’s be honest, the little alien looked like a wrinkly gremlin on drugs. His long fingers, glowing heart and raspy voice were anything but cute and cuddly. Even the big googly button eyes in the cuddly toy version couldn’t make up for that.

Stuffed animals

Noble Collection E.T.

27 cm

2

Stuffed animals

Noble Collection E.T.

27 cm

2

The confusing Fraggles (1983)

They lived in their own underground home of Fraggle Rock, were colourful and cheerful, but still not really cute. The fact that they were constantly chased by the giant gorgs and fed exclusively on radishes (what kid likes radishes!?) robs even more cuteness from these fluffy animals.

Gizmo the Creepy (1984)

He does look cute, the little Mogwai Gizmo. But don’t feed him after midnight or let him get wet, otherwise the little ball of fur will turn into a vicious gremlin in no time at all. Sleepless nights guaranteed.

Stuffed animals

Neca Gremlins with Sound - Dancing Gizmo

20 cm

18

Stuffed animals

Neca Gremlins with Sound - Dancing Gizmo

20 cm

18

ALF the Weird (1986)

Admittedly, ALF (Alien Life Form), the extraterrestrial from planet Melmac, was a funny fellow. In the series of the same name, he was never stingy with his jokes and jabs at the Tanners, his host family – or more precisely, at family patriarch Willie. Nevertheless, with his shaggy fur and fondness for cats as a snack, ALF certainly exuded something creepy.

The scary Noid (1986)

The Noid was the bizarre mascot for Domino’s Pizza, appearing everywhere from the mid-1980s to the mid-1990s. In commercials, in video games and even in Michael Jackson’s anthology film Moonwalker, the Noid made a cameo. The combination of red superhero suit, rabbit ears and a truly questionable facial expression made him look like a failed comic book villain. But the success proved Noid’s creators right, and the mascot found its way into many children’s rooms as a plush toy.

The story of the mascot took a tragic turn in 1995, when the man who was the character’s namesake committed suicide, convinced that the character had only been created to make his life difficult. Domino’s never used the Noid for marketing campaigns again.

Those weird Teletubbies (1997)

Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po. What the hell was it even!? The Teletubbies were colourful… wait, what were they exactly? Definitely creatures with TVs in their stomachs, a blank stare and sinister laughter. In short, the Teletubbies caused discomfort rather than happiness, both on TV and in nurseries.

Stuffed animals

EUR17,90

Sambro Teletubbies - PO

33 cm

5

Stuffed animals

EUR17,90

Sambro Teletubbies - PO

33 cm

5

Oogie Boogie the Angry (1993)

Tim Burton’s Oogie Boogie, that evil sack full of insects, is definitely the stuff of nightmares. Sure, he looks pretty funny at first glance. But the fact he’s constantly grimacing and is home to a plethora of creepy-crawlies makes him more likely to qualify as a ghost ride worker than your child’s cuddly best friend.

Stuffed animals

Squishmallows Nightmare Before Xmas - Λούτρινα 20Cm W2 Oogie Boogie

20 cm

Stuffed animals

Squishmallows Nightmare Before Xmas - Λούτρινα 20Cm W2 Oogie Boogie

20 cm

In case the cuddly toys mentioned above have made you feel strange, I’m sending another candidate into the race to be on the safe side, guaranteeing good vibes.

Pingu the Incomprehensible (1986)

Fortunately, in addition to the above-mentioned, rather questionable cuddly toys, there were also safer choices, such as Pingu. The somewhat dorky penguin, who preferred to play all day long and utter complete gibberish, blossomed into a popular Swiss TV celebrity in the 1980s and 1990s. No scandals, scares or alarming features. Nice and Swiss.

If you want to know which cuddly toys are trending these days, it’s worth opening TikTok.

Have you owned a cuddly toy that didn’t make your life better, but rather made it a living hell? Let me know in the comments