Talking to yourself: everyone does it, no one talks about it

That neglected-looking beardy person muttering under their breath as they head to the bottle bank? No, that’s not you. But you may relate to the following: a person on their way to an important appointment, let’s say a job interview or a crucial client meeting, is quietly reciting all the important points they want to make to herself. And I’m pretty sure you’ve said difficult formulas out loud the night before an exam to make sure you remember them.

In literature this is referred to as an inner monologue. In psychology, it’s called autocommunication or self-talk. While preschoolers still happily do this out loud, children from the age of six usually start to move autotalk internally.

In this study, researchers asked parents about their children’s self-talk habits between the ages of three and five. It was revealed that 93.6 per cent of children talked to themselves during role play. 72.3 per cent used self-talk for tasks that involved solving a problem. The majority of parents interviewed (91 per cent) rated child self-talk as helpful or even very helpful for child development. And that’s true. There’s no need to feel embarrassed about self-talk, as it serves important purposes. But more on that later.

It’s possible that people who talk to themselves feel weird to you because this kind of behaviour is often associated with mental illnesses such as schizophrenia. People affected by the condition hear inner voices as if they were coming in from the outside. So strictly speaking, they’re not talking to themselves, but to imaginary people who are, however, very real to them.

People who feel lonely talk to themselves comparatively often, according to this study. According to the researchers, this inner monologue fulfils a protective function. This is because self-talk cushions the negative effects of loneliness on physical and mental health.

Loud and quiet self-talk

The fact is that we almost all talk to ourselves. A whopping 96 per cent of people, science has revealed. Whether this is out loud or silently depends on personality. Most of us use our inner voice, but around 25 per cent of adults talk out loud when they’re having a conversation with themselves.

Remember Tommy Haas, the German former tennis player, who was in danger of being eliminated in the quarter-finals during the Australian Open 2007. During a break before a change of sides, he criticised himself out loud and said: «You can’t win, Haasi, you just can’t. Too weak. Too many mistakes!» But just before hitting the court again, he was cheering himself on: «But you’re gonna win. You’ll win the match, come on! You can win. Fight, fight. Go!» He went on to win the match in five sets against the Russian Nikolay Davydenko.

Sports psychology in particular has done a lot of research on self-talk. It’s considered a way for athletes to express their feelings and to draw their attention to negative thoughts first. The next step is to stop the spiral and push yourself, thereby improving your performance. This form of mental training was probably what helped Tommy Haas.

Self-talk: its four main purposes

It’s not just pros who tap into the benefits of self-talk. We can all chat with ourselves to our advantage. According to researchers, people regulate themselves by engaging in conversations with themselves. Thomas Brinthaupt of Middle Tennessee State University developed a self-talk scale in his seminal study, published in the «Journal of Personality Assessment» in 2009. According to the study, self-talk usually fulfils one or more of the following main functions:

• Practising self-criticism: with statements like «I was really out of line», «That wasn’t my best moment» or «I’m ashamed of what I just did».
• Assessing social situations: by imagining how the other person will react to what you’re going to say or what you’ll do as a result. In other words, you’re anticipating social situations. For example, «What will I say if my boss says she can’t give me a raise?»
• Self-affirmation: by giving yourself a pat on the back with self-talk like, «I’m really proud of the conversation I just had» or praise like, «Well done, everything went as planned.»
• Self-management: by sorting to dos in your head like «I mustn’t forget to go to the pharmacy later» or «Where did I put my keys?». Again, this can be leaning towards anticipation if you’re thinking about what you might do or say.

According to Brinthaupt, an expert in the field, the first two purposes represent the more negative aspects of self-talk. In contrast, self-affirmation and self-management tend to be the good parts of talking to yourself – so you should engage in it more often. However, if you’re always hard on yourself when you self-talk, you run the risk battering your self-esteem.

Take a closer look at your self-talk

Researchers recommend becoming aware of your inner monologues as a first step. After all, many people don’t even realise they talk to themselves. So start observing yourself carefully to find out when and in which situations you start chatting with yourself. After doing that, you’ll be able to get more out of the positive aspects of self-talk in the future.

They can help you sort and structure your thoughts and remember things better. If you put challenges into words – be it loud or quiet – you’re creating an image in your mind’s eye and making your thoughts more tangible. This means you’re finding solutions and making decisions faster. Talking to yourself can also be motivating and extremely helpful when you’re learning new things. Think practising new skills in sports, for example.

In an experiment conducted by psychologists Dietrich Dörner (University of Bamberg) and Ralph Reimann (University of Vienna), students of mechanical engineering were asked to talk to themselves while designing. The results of the study were published in the Journal of Psychology in 2004. The subjects of the study constructed particularly well when they analysed their work out loud. This made them aware of the consequences of their next step. Asking themselves additional questions such as «Where does this screw go?» or «Will this design hold if I take this step next?» proved very helpful.

As expected, the experiment showed that negative self-talk, such as students berating themselves or their approaches, wasn’t particularly helpful.

What’s good self-talk?

Talk to yourself in the third person

Especially when you’re trying to reduce stress by engaging in self-talk, it’s recommended to talk to yourself in the third person, says this study published in Scientific Reports in 2017. This means, you should be muttering statements like «She’s definitely going to pass this test now,» or «If the boss criticises him today, here’s what he’ll say.» Alternatively, you can use your name instead of «he», «she» or «they».

Don’t tell yourself off

Ideally, you should stop self-criticism altogether. Once you become aware of the frequency of your self-talk, you can consciously reduce or stop negative comments about yourself. Always phrase prompts to yourself in a positive way. Instead of, «Come on, you’re always getting distracted when you’re cleaning up», say something like, «You (or better, he/she/name) are going to focus on one room now for ten minutes.»

Flatter yourself

You can also use inner monologues to make yourself feel better. Praise yourself when you’re looking at yourself in the mirror in the morning. Or think about what went right when you’re lying in bed at night.

Use self-talk purposefully

Use self-talk to remember things, this study recommends. Let’s say you’re always losing your keys. In that case it can be helpful if you mumble something like «Where are the keys, where could they be?». That way you won’t forget to keep looking for them when you’re walking around your apartment. This also works if you’re trying to memorise formulas, poems, vocabulary, etc.