Flop Tarts – breakfast from sweet hell

On the first of December, I shuffle into the living room sleepily, where a huge package awaits. «I’ve got a present for you,» my boyfriend bellows from the kitchen. Cue happy dance from me. But wait, isn’t it just the first of December? It must be an advent calendar. I tear off the wrapping paper. It is an advent calendar, but not just any old one.

Cereals + Granola

Kellogg's Advent calendar Kellogg's

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Cereals + Granola

Kellogg's Advent calendar Kellogg's

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This calendar is no longer available – and rightly so.

«You told me you wanted to try all types of cereals, so I got you this calendar. There’s a new flavour every day,» says my boyfriend. I’m touched. He’s right – breakfast cereals are right at the top of my bucket list, even though I hardly ever buy them myself. They’ve got too much sugar and wouldn’t last a week in my cupboard. In this respect, I can’t think of anything better than a collection of mini taster packets.

Broadening my horizon

I open the first door with great anticipation. Frosties. OK. It’s not the kind of surprise that knocks my socks off. «There are still 23 doors before Christmas. A lot can still happen,» I say to myself, hopefully. But the second door only hides a moderately exciting variety: Coco Pops. I love them, but now I really do want to try something new.

An unexpected twist

Day three: I look for the right door and open it, a little less enthusiastically than the day before. A hard, silver packet jumps out at me, adorned with «Pop Tarts» in blue letters and lots of speech bubbles with sayings like «I have a funny filling about this». Laugh out loud.

At this point I have to admit I’ve never seen a Pop Tart before and have no idea what to expect. Only the name rings a small bell somewhere in the back of my mind, perhaps from a Hollywood film. Either way, it’s good to finally have something new.

I open the packaging and find two rather large biscuits inside, both covered in a load of hard icing and colourful sprinkles. The first bite overwhelms my taste buds with the sweetness of the shortcrust pastry and icing only being surpassed by the jam filling. I can’t make up my mind. Do I like them or not? Sooner than I’d have thought, the biscuit disappears from my hand, leaving one last piece on the plate. Did I devour the whole thing?

The second one doesn’t go down quite so easily. The sugar rush has worn off and I realise what’s on my plate: a sugar bomb with a slightly artificial aftertaste. Pop Tarts aren’t anything to write home about, but there must be a reason for them being so popular. Am I doing something wrong? Time for some research.

A tartlet with a story

As it happens, I was actually doing something wrong. Pop Tarts are traditionally toasted and eaten warm. In the 1960s, the Post Cereals company developed the first breakfast cake called Country Squares. Shortly afterwards, Kellogg’s launched a similarly successful biscuit, calling it Pop Tarts – in reference to the Pop Art style of the famous Andy Warhol. The tartlet became a hit. In the spring of this year, there was even a film made about it. 38% of Pop Tarts ingredients are sugar, which means a single biscuit (48 g) contains 18 g of sugar. That’s slightly more than in a whole pot of chocolate yogurt. Let me reiterate: in ONE SINGLE BISCUIT.

To be fair, Christmas biscuits are often made up of 50% sugar, but they’re only available in winter. Pop Tarts, on the other hand, were conceived as a warm addition to already sweet breakfast cereals and apparently still hold their own as a breaky favourite to this day. Kellog’s sold three billion Pop Tarts in 2022 alone.

Can I bake this?

If so many people are gobbling up these baked goods, there must be something more to them. Although I’m not a convertee yet, I’m not writing off these biscuits quite yet. How could I? My Pop Tart collection will only grow over the course of December, with the calendar being full of them.

As I don’t have a toaster, the work’s left to my oven. So it’s a case of preheat, slide in and wait. I bake the tartlets at 200 degrees and take them out after four minutes. That was probably too long given that the edges are slightly charred. But the rest looks exactly the same as before, only now there’s a sweet smell in the air.

I take a bite. The biscuit dough is crispier and tastes less artificial than before. What’s more, the jam has softened but the icing’s maintained its crunch. I now understand a bit better why people are wild about these breakfast baked goods.

Breakfast straight out of kids’ imagination

Perhaps it brings back memories of a supposedly carefree and sweet time. My equivalent to this is the Pik & Croq soft cheese dip, milk rolls and Capri Sun. If I were to try these foods for the first time today, they’d certainly not taste as good as they do with this heaped helping of nostalgia. Nevertheless, at a time when obesity and resulting diseases such as diabetes are a serious problem, it borders on cynicism to market a sugar biscuit as a accompaniment to breakfast.

Kellogg’s and fellow cereal brands have created generations of sugar-hungry customers, with their advertising campaigns appealing to children. Which is why I can’t stop myself trying all the breakfast cereals. Dammit.