Opinion
Please, just let me look my age!
by Siri Schubert
7 weird beards we’ll (unfortunately) never forget
7.6.2024
Translation: Patrik Stainbrook
Some like it neat and tidy, others let it grow. No, we’re not talking about your back garden, but good old facial hair. Here are seven (questionable) beard trends.
You may remember Tom Selleck’s impressive moustache – also known as a porn-stache. Or Charlie Chaplin’s toothbrush – the name given to his two-finger-wide moustache, which is now unfortunately primarily associated with the worst historical figure of the last few hundred years.
If none of the above examples appeal to you, but you still want a nonsurgical change to your face and are blessed with the gift of facial hair, then the following seven, not entirely serious suggestions, might serve as inspiration.
1. Mutton chops
Imagine allowing your sideburns to make their way down both sides of your cheeks to your chin to meet at your upper lip. Not only have you shown a lot of patience and the ability to suffer, you’ve also revived a trend from the 1970s – mutton chops. Whether you’ll win a prize or the heart of your crush with this work of art… I doubt it.
2. The goatee
Anyone who went through life with an eye on trends in the 1990s is unlikely to have missed the goatee. It felt like every second celebrity wore a little tuft on their chin and, unfortunately, every second guy thought he’d be the village disco king if he flashed his unfortunately often unkempt goatee behind his vodka Red Bull cup at the bar. Wrong again, Chad, wrong again!
If you do decide to go for a goatee today, please make sure it’s nicely trimmed. Unless your name is Brad Pitt, then it doesn’t really matter what you do.
3. The chin strap
What sounds like a torture device from the Middle Ages also looks like one in most cases. Take the aforementioned goatee and add a narrow strip running along the edge of the jaw. Clean-shaven and trimmed, it can look good, but unfortunately most people fail when it comes to choosing the right width. Conclusion: better to miss out.
4. The neckbeard
The name says it all: take a trimmer and shave all areas of the face thoroughly – except the neck. Picturing it? My condolences. The neckbeard looks like a beard that slipped downwards during an unsuccessful Photoshop session.
Incidentally, the neckbeard has even managed to become a colloquial term for introverted, awkward and mostly unkempt men over 30. Unlimited memes included. Still, it does take some time to grow. So, uh… props?
Are you disgusted by body hair and have struggled with this article so far as a result? Then take a look here to see which Europeans feel the same way as you:
6. The Fu Manchu
Two words: Hulk Hogan. Ringing a bell? Exactly! History’s most iconic wrestler is the proud bearer of this beard option.
However, the sprawling moustache takes its name from the main character in the 1923 film The Mysterious Dr Fu Man Chu. In it, the lead actor wore a moustache that hung down to his chin in two thin strands on either side. Hogan’s later interpretation is more like a horseshoe. Pro tip: combine the Fu Manchu with a trucker cap and a plaid shirt and you have the perfect starter kit for your midlife crisis motorcycle purchase.
7. The toothbrush
I already touched on this one briefly at the beginning of this article. We all know the toothbrush, especially on Charlie Chaplin and Adolf Hitler. The latter has definitely managed to discredit that little strip of hair in the middle of the upper lip. Whether the toothbrush would be popular and often seen today without this terrible historical background remains a mystery. I have my doubts.
If this article has inspired you to pay more attention to your facial hair, then I’ve got a great little read for you.
Have I forgotten an important beard trend? Then tell me in the comments.
Claudio Candinas
Content Innovation Manager
Claudio.Candinas@digitecgalaxus.chBackground information
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