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7 weird beards we’ll (unfortunately) never forget

7.6.2024

Some like it neat and tidy, others let it grow. No, we’re not talking about your back garden, but good old facial hair. Here are seven (questionable) beard trends.

You may remember Tom Selleck’s impressive moustache – also known as a porn-stache. Or Charlie Chaplin’s toothbrush – the name given to his two-finger-wide moustache, which is now unfortunately primarily associated with the worst historical figure of the last few hundred years.

If none of the above examples appeal to you, but you still want a nonsurgical change to your face and are blessed with the gift of facial hair, then the following seven, not entirely serious suggestions, might serve as inspiration.

1. Mutton chops

Imagine allowing your sideburns to make their way down both sides of your cheeks to your chin to meet at your upper lip. Not only have you shown a lot of patience and the ability to suffer, you’ve also revived a trend from the 1970s – mutton chops. Whether you’ll win a prize or the heart of your crush with this work of art… I doubt it.

Motörhead frontman Lemmy Kilmister was a proud wearer of mutton chops.
Source: Shutterstock

2. The goatee

Anyone who went through life with an eye on trends in the 1990s is unlikely to have missed the goatee. It felt like every second celebrity wore a little tuft on their chin and, unfortunately, every second guy thought he’d be the village disco king if he flashed his unfortunately often unkempt goatee behind his vodka Red Bull cup at the bar. Wrong again, Chad, wrong again!

If you do decide to go for a goatee today, please make sure it’s nicely trimmed. Unless your name is Brad Pitt, then it doesn’t really matter what you do.

Brad Pitt has probably already made every beard a trend.
Source: Shutterstock

3. The chin strap

What sounds like a torture device from the Middle Ages also looks like one in most cases. Take the aforementioned goatee and add a narrow strip running along the edge of the jaw. Clean-shaven and trimmed, it can look good, but unfortunately most people fail when it comes to choosing the right width. Conclusion: better to miss out.

4. The neckbeard

The name says it all: take a trimmer and shave all areas of the face thoroughly – except the neck. Picturing it? My condolences. The neckbeard looks like a beard that slipped downwards during an unsuccessful Photoshop session.

Incidentally, the neckbeard has even managed to become a colloquial term for introverted, awkward and mostly unkempt men over 30. Unlimited memes included. Still, it does take some time to grow. So, uh… props?

Are you disgusted by body hair and have struggled with this article so far as a result? Then take a look here to see which Europeans feel the same way as you:

Behind the scenes
Galaxus survey: which European country is most bothered by body hair?
by Stephan Kurmann

5. The soul patch

Anyone who was anyone in the USA in the 1950s and 1960s had a small patch of hair on their lower lip. Hitler doing a headstand, in a way – just no crimes against humanity. And as is the case with fashion trends, the hairy soul patch also experienced a renaissance in the 1990s and was below the lips of various figureheads of Western pop culture. The soul patch is still worn today, and can definitely be viable if looked after… right?

Ray Charles sported the soul patch all his life.
Source: Britannica.com

6. The Fu Manchu

Two words: Hulk Hogan. Ringing a bell? Exactly! History’s most iconic wrestler is the proud bearer of this beard option.

Alongside a red and yellow bandana, the bleached moustache is part of the basic equipment of every Hulk Hogan fan.
Source: Shutterstock

However, the sprawling moustache takes its name from the main character in the 1923 film The Mysterious Dr Fu Man Chu. In it, the lead actor wore a moustache that hung down to his chin in two thin strands on either side. Hogan’s later interpretation is more like a horseshoe. Pro tip: combine the Fu Manchu with a trucker cap and a plaid shirt and you have the perfect starter kit for your midlife crisis motorcycle purchase.

Caps

New Era 9Forty Las Vegas Distressed Trucker Cap

One size

Shirts

Blaser Men's Comfort Modern Shirt

S

7. The toothbrush

I already touched on this one briefly at the beginning of this article. We all know the toothbrush, especially on Charlie Chaplin and Adolf Hitler. The latter has definitely managed to discredit that little strip of hair in the middle of the upper lip. Whether the toothbrush would be popular and often seen today without this terrible historical background remains a mystery. I have my doubts.